This right here is a picture of me and my best friend, who I’ve know since 3rd grade. This is us back in simpler times, when our only concern was what game to play at lunchtime recess and who was gonna be kingcaller during “eeny-meeny-miney-mo“. We’ve had our minor issues over the years, the little shit ALL friends go through, but, through it all, we have managed to stay best friends to this very day. What’s our big secret to a long lasting friendship, you ask? How have we kept the spark in our relationship burning bright for 13 long wonderful years?

We don’t do bitch-ass shit to each other.

Seems simple enough, right? You’d think it’s common sense, but you’d think wrong. Apparently many people don’t live by this credo in their friendships, and then they walk around wondering why people keep dropping out of their lives like DNA-tested Maury show participants. But seriously, have you looked at the shit you do to your so-called friends? How are you flirting with your friend’s man every chance you get and still expecting the friendship to last? How do you borrow money from your friend and never pay it back, and then have the nerve and audacity to turn around and get mad because she’s letting a money issue affect your relationship? “We’re s’posed to be bigger than that!” Bitch, please. How come we’re only supposed to be “bigger than” shit when you’re the one fucking up? Things that make you go “hmmm“. And who the fuck are you to think you can tell your friend who they can and can’t be friends with? Making ultimatums and shit, and then getting mad when they decide that you’re the weakest link. Good-bye.

But I digress.

This whole blog was inspired by my 8 year old niece. She came home from school yesterday, pouting and overall down in the dumps, and when I asked her why she began to tell me how she had just lost one of her closest friends over some old bullshit (my words, not hers, lol). She was truly hurt by it yesterday, but I’m sure she’ll go back to school today and it will all be back to normal, because at 8 years old that’s how friendship works. Somebody does something fucked up to you, you’re mad for like 10 minutes, and then you’re best friends again. It’s that simple. But the fact that the whole scenario she shared with me was one that has happened to me with a grown ass person got me thinking. Maybe some of us never truly learn how to be real friends. Somewhere along they way, these little kids, who do grimey shit to people and expect everything to be cool, grow up into adults who do the exact same shit. Maybe my niece shouldn’t just go back to school and act like everything is fine. Maybe she needs to just cut this little heffa off. And then maybe, just maybe, her little mean ass would learn a lesson that many grown ass people still have yet to fully comprehend. You don’t do bitch-ass shit to your friends!

Or maybe I’m just jaded.

Either way, it’s 2010, and if you’re grown with NO fucking friends, maybe it’s time to take a look at yourself and figure out what’s going on. I’m not saying you should have 12 best friends and a posse of homies when your grown, *cough* Ray J *cough*, but if you don’t have one close friend in this world, all I’m saying is it’s probably your fault. Witcha bitch-ass.

Until next time,
Neek

P.S. Here’s a picture of me and the bestest now.

Gawsh, I love her. “We be shitting on you hoes!” (© Geisha) Lmao!